There is something about how the cold creeps and chills deep within me when you leave. I blame the issues I have deep within me and how I hate being alone. A L O N E. It's such a depressing thought but I feel like all the happiness within me saps away the more steps you take away from me.
I'm truly trying to be ok with myself and I know my attachment to you isn't healthy. I love you to the extent that I don't love myself anymore. I know that this isn't good and that you are only meant to be an extension of my happiness.
But who am I fooling because I know you aren't happy with yourself nor are you happy with me?
Why are we together when our relationship is only surface level? You have never once had a truly mind-retching and blowing conversation, or one where we were breathless from laughter. I want to feel again. The euphoric feeling with me throwing my phone away blushing or two am calls with me kicking my feet up in the air.
Life is short. Why am I feeling so lost with you. We barely have any history so why are stuck in this continous loop of fighting and never resolving anything.
1/06/2023
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