Cracked heart

Fortuna stared down at the text message blankly.
The screen dimming in her hands before turning off.
She threw the phone down onto the floor in frustration and despair.

She had been waiting for this day for weeks, months.
All to let her down in the end.
Small rivers flowed down her face, her eyes already puffy.
Her heart aching so badly she felt like there was no other way
to get rid of the pain.

She neared the noose, small hiccups filled the silence in the room.
The rope was warm to touch and fit snugly around her neck.
She took a step down from the stool, the pain eased
as the rope became a little uncomfortable.

She closed her eyes at the last step knowing she would never reach it.
At that moment, her cracked phone sprang to life.
He had apologised and and she reached for it.
But the rope jerked her back, she hung lifeless as
the boy waited for her reply on whether or not
...she would take him back..

And so he waited forever. He roamed the earth looking for her, waiting and waiting.
And the whole time she was by his side, reaching for him but never to touch him.

Stop.

Why do you bother looking for me?
The reasons I lag behind is because,
I can already see your gone.

Don't bother try and hide it,
I can tell,
the way you shift away from me,
the way you avert your eyes,
the way you hesitate.

Don't bother try and hide it,
I can tell,
the way you look at other girls with lust,
the way you avoid me,
the way you sit away from me.

It's too late for us now isn't it?
So I ask you to stop,
I don't want
your pity,
your guilt,
your everything.

I just want you gone.
So leave.

Glancing back

This day is the one day I connect with my past, present and future.

I cringe as he walked past his hand curled around her waist as he dips his head down for a peck. That was my past, the person I thought was my future.

My present, he smiled sweetly but I could tell this wasn't going to last. The way he avoided my eyes and I could see the guilt in his eyes. He was my everything but soon he was going to be my past.

My future was someone I didn't expect to show up. He was someone I had met before but there was a spark between us. He was my future but is he going to stay there for long?

The old you

I'm smiling at the old picture of you and I. Your arms around my waist as you pecked my cheek. I was smiling at the camera with a bright red face.

We were sitting in our tree, hidden away where none of the teachers could find us. I remember that the back of the tree left a small gap that allowed us to watch the sunset. I used to rest my head on your shoulder and share that ice block we always buy.

I wonder what would happen if we didn't split. Would we still be sitting in that tree of ours. Stop it from being cut down? I tried to stop it but without you I lost my nerve and watched as all our memories die along with the leaves. 

But. 

I despise the you now. After we moved school together it's like you completely changed. You wouldn't look at me anymore nor would you walk in the same street with me. You were my friend and in the past I believed you were my soul mate. 

I miss the old you. The one that would steal my ice cream and run off only to buy me a new one. Our nicknames weren't "sweetheart" or "babe" but rather. "Pig" and "Idiot" but they were everything to me. Whenever I hear idiot I turn around hoping to see your grin. 

I want to wrap my arms around you a final time. To have a goodbye rather then waiting for you to finally come back to me. I want to watch the sunset with you while laughing as the ice block dripped onto your face. 

But I'm tired of waiting. It has been 4 years and you have changed a lot. You lost your cute chubbiness and worked out a lot to attract every girl in the school. 

Every girl except me. 

I miss the old you. Please, come back to me.